


Not Like This

by kho



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: First Kiss, Heartbreak, Love Confessions, M/M, Rejection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 07:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23847118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kho/pseuds/kho
Summary: So my brain said, self, would you like to break yours and everyones hearts today?  And despite myself it said I sure do.  So why don't we do an experiment on what if Danny finally made a move but Steve said no.  But... not because he wasn't in love with Danny too.   Set season 10 but non-spoilery.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 36
Kudos: 136





	Not Like This

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one off that I do not plan to continue, I don't think I have the heart to do the epic novella type thing that would be required to do this full thing right. Besides I'm still not even sure how long my post series finale fic is gonna wind up being so I'm gonna concentrate on that, this was just a heartbreaking plot bunny i had to exorcise.

It’s the five billion and ninth time it’s happened when Danny decides, that’s it, enough is enough. Unnecessary touches, lingering looks. Steve’s eyes on his ass, his hands, his dick. Covert flirting. Outright flirting. Propositions that Danny would have followed through on if Steve had ever taken one of them seriously without laughing.

Pick a base and he chooses a hug. Of all the bases, hugs don’t even rank.

That five billion and ninth time though, Steve’s leg pressing into his on the couch, arm around the back. Steve leaning over to whisper commentary about the game they’re watching when there’s no reason at all he needs to lower his voice. No one’s there to hear, they’re not disturbing anyone if they just talk normal, so why the proximity?

Why the pretense is the thing, why lips inches from his ear, body pressed up against Danny from knee to shoulder. Arm up and around Danny’s neck, fingers idly playing with Danny’s ear sometimes. Steve looking down at him with hooded eyes that Danny swears to God have to be his bedroom eyes, they simply have to be. Fond look, so soft and private and only meant for him.

So when Steve leans over that last time Danny simply raises his hand, catches Steve on the side of the face, holds him in place and locks eyes with him. Leans two inches in, closes his eyes, and presses lips that have been dying to kiss Steve McGarrett since he pulled a gun on him the first day. Lets out a moan the second their lips touch, electricity shooting through his body, lightening straight to his cock. Mouth opening before Steve’s even responded, tongue licking at the edges of Steve’s lips and…

And…

Steve pulls away. Jerks more like, sudden and forceful, two feet away in a second flat and Danny’s opening his eyes to see Steve’s eyes wide like saucers and a hand wiping at his mouth.

Wiping away the spit. The feel of Danny’s lips against his. Scrubbing away the memory.

“Steve.”

“What are you doing,” Steve breathes out, extracting his arm away from behind Danny, knee pressing perpendicular into Danny’s thigh now. Pushing him back, holding him off. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Danny feels like he’s been roundhouse kicked to the solar plexus, and he opens his mouth on a thousand dumb responses but can only push out, “A kiss, Steven.” He gestures to his own lips and then to Steve’s. “That was a kiss.”

Steve’s eyes close but when Danny moves to rest his hand on Steve’s chest his hand shoots out to grab Danny’s shoulder, pushing him back. “Why. Why?” Steve opens his eyes then, giving Danny a bewildered, betrayed look. “Why would you do that?”

Danny’s brain supplies every curse word in the book, every insult known to man that he could throw out at Steve, every excuse. His mind screams at him to get up and run, flee, just fucking delete himself from the Earth.

“I’m in love with you,” he says, the words falling out of his mouth with no permission, just tumbling out unbidden. “I kissed you because I’m in love with you, Steven, and I know you love me too.”

“Yes of course I love you,” Steve answers back, and his fingers curl around Danny’s shoulder going from push to pull in an instant. Danny feels relief flood through him until Steve speaks again. “Not like this.”

Danny nods, feeling like he’s not even attached to his body. He’s floating up and to the left somewhere. “Yes like this. Exactly like this.”

Steve lets out a shuddering breath, the pressure of his hand pressing harder into Danny’s shoulder. “Danno.”

“You love me,” Danny whispers, unable to breathe, not able to see past his swimming vision. “You love me too, Steven I know you do.”

“I do,” Steve says, and then he’s back in Danny’s space, right in front of his face, hand coming up to turn Danny’s head to face him, hand warm on Danny’s cheek. “I love you, I do.”

Danny jerks his head back, pulling back on the couch until he’s smooshed into the corner, back pressing painfully hard into the armrest. “Not like this?”

“Danny, I love you.”

Danny shakes his head. “Not.” He holds up a hand as Steve tries to once again invade his personal space, blinks to try and focus his eyes back on Steve’s face. Steve’s devastated, shocked, guilty face. “Oh god. Not. Not like this.”

“Danny please,” Steve says, reaching out his hand again to touch Danny’s face, turning him to face him again. “It doesn’t matter. I love you.”

Danny’s breath explodes out of his chest and he’s horrified to find tears swimming in his eyes and for the life of him he can’t tell if they’re humiliation or heart break. “It doesn’t matter?”

“It matters,” Steve hurries to say, fingers gripping tighter on Danny’s chin as Danny tries to look away. “It matters, you matter, you’re all that matters.”

“But not like this,” Danny says, finally able to take in a breath. “Not… am I just an idiot? Am I blind? Am I just the biggest moron on the face of this goddamn planet?!”

Steve swallows, eyes glassy, red rimmed just the slightest bit, and Danny is suddenly so angry he could spit. His voice, when he speaks, is tremulous, and Danny wants to claw his eyes out with his fingernails. “Danny.”

“You look at me like you want me,” Danny chokes out, jerking out of Steve’s grip and standing up. His fingers are numb and he shakes his hands trying to get the circulation back into them. Pin pricks and needles, they shoot up his arm. “You. You look at me, you touch me, you…” He shakes his head, throws his hands out into the air and looks at Steve. “You act like you want me.”

Steve reaches out and grabs his hand, grips him tight. “Danny listen to me. Take a deep breath, you’re having a panic attack.”

Danny tries to jerk his hand back. “You think I don’t know that?!”

Steve’s grip only tightens. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry.” Danny bursts out laughing, free hand coming up to tug on his hair. “You’re. You. You’re sorry.”

“Please Danny, please sit,” Steve says, voice scraping out desperately. 

“You look at me,” Danny says, falling still finally, hand going limp by his side, the hand Steve’s holding a dead weight. “The way you look at me sometimes, Steve. All the time. All the goddamn time. Like you want me. Like you love me.”

“I do, Danny,” Steve yells finally, anger tinting the edges of his voice. “You think I don’t know I look at you like that? You think I’ve never thought about it? But not like this!”

Danny feels like he’s losing his mind, and once again he throws his hands out. “Not like what?!”

Steve lets go of Danny’s hand to stand as well, stepping into Danny’s space. “You think I don’t sometimes wanna throw you down on the nearest hard surface and fuck you until we both can’t even see straight? I do Danny, all the time I do!”

Danny’s mouth shuts with a clack of teeth.

“Yes, okay, yes I fucking want you,” Steve yells, poking a finger into Danny’s chest. “Every single day I want you, but not like this!”

Danny feels like he’s lost any sense of time or space or reason. “Like what?”

“I can’t have you like this,” Steve yells, gesturing between themselves. “We can’t have this, we don’t get this, don’t you get that?”

Danny squints at him. “No!”

Steve falls back onto the couch, putting his head his hands. “Danny.”

“You want me. You want me and I want you and we don’t get to have this,” Danny spits out, reaching forward and jerking Steve’s head up until he’s looking at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?!”

“I want you,” Steve says, sounding tired and wrecked and the worst Danny’s ever heard him sound. “And I love you, and that’s why I can’t have you.”

Danny blinks. “What?”

“Danny I love you,” Steve says, looking up at him pleadingly. “I love you so fucking much. I can’t lose you.”

Danny sinks down, crouches before Steve, balancing himself by placing his hands on Steve’s knees. “I don’t even understand the words that are coming out of your mouth right now, Steven.”

“I need you,” Steve chokes out, grabbing both of Danny’s hands now. “I need you, okay, you don’t understand, because I need you.”

Danny shakes his head and stares into Steve’s eyes. “I don’t understand.”

“Everyone I love leaves me, everyone Danny, everyone I’ve ever loved has left me, except you.”

Danny lowers his knees to the floor, gripping Steve’s hands tightly. “And I won’t ever.”

“I always want more,” Steve says, and Danny’s only seen Steve cry a handful of times and every time it rips his heart out and stomps on it. This time is no different, and the room closes in around them until him and Steve are the only things on this Earth that exists. His panic subsides and all he wants to do is make Steve’s tears go away. “I just always want more than they can give me, and I push, Danny, I push and I push until I push them away. I never leave it alone and just take what I can get, I always push, Danny.”

“Hey,” Danny says, extracting one hand from Steve’s grip, reaching up to wipe a tear from Steve’s cheek. “Hey you can’t push me away.”

“I’ll find a way, Danny, I’ll find a way,” Steve says, shaking his head. “Don’t. Just let this be, Danny, don’t make me. I can’t lose you too.”

Danny breathes out slowly and squeezes Steve’s hands. “I don’t understand Steve. We love each other. What about this being mutual do you not understand?”

“We work like this,” Steve says, breathing shakily. “We work like this, so this is what we get. This is all we get.”

Danny shakes his head. “No, Steve, this is what you’re choosing.”

“This is what I get,” Steve says, finality in his voice. “You. You’re everything, and this is what I get, so this is what I’ll take.”

Danny sits back on his heels, lets his hands fall from Steve’s. “You’re not hearing me. This is mutual babe. You’re everything too. We’ll be so good together. It’s been ten years, Steve, you haven’t pushed me away yet. We deserve this.”

“Please, Danny,” Steve says, eyes pleading as he meets Danny’s eyes. “Not like this. Please.”

Danny stands abruptly, turning around to walk out of the house because he is filled with rage. Rage, and sorrow, and guilt, and so goddamn much love. “You,” he says, facing the wall opposite. “Jesus Christ you’re so damaged.”

Steve reaches forward and grabs Danny’s elbow, pulling him backwards. “I know.” He wraps his fingers around Danny’s upper arm hard enough to leave bruises. “Danny. Please.”

Danny sits back down next to Steve then, but can’t look at him. He stares down at his hands and feels his heart break into a million pieces. He’s not sure if it’s for himself, for Steve, or for them.

“I love you,” Danny says finally.

Steve leans into him, shoulder to knee, and exhales, “I love you too.”


End file.
